


Loose Lips Sail Ships

by Silkette



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood and Injury, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Getting Together, Idiots in Love, M/M, Mr. Purple gets better, Mutual Pining, Not Really Character Death, One Shot, Pre-Timeskip | Academy Phase (Fire Emblem: Three Houses), Prompt Fill, so no worries!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-15
Updated: 2021-01-15
Packaged: 2021-03-13 11:41:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28777698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Silkette/pseuds/Silkette
Summary: Lorenz swore that no one would ever find out about his terrible, awful, no good, totally inappropriate feelings for Claude.But can he stay strong and keep his promise to himself when he’s about to die?It’s called a “deathbed confession” for a reason, after all.Written for the FE3H Kinkmeme.
Relationships: Lorenz Hellman Gloucester/Claude von Riegan
Comments: 10
Kudos: 108
Collections: FE3H Kink Meme





	Loose Lips Sail Ships

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [this](https://3houseskinkmeme.dreamwidth.org/1608.html?thread=2598472#cmt2598472) kink meme prompt! OP was kind enough to offer multiple choice, so I chose Claurenz.

Lorenz Hellman Gloucester was, and had always been, someone who liked to know where he stood. Ever since he was a child he’d thrived on routine; on tradition and predictability, and the path well travelled by those who’d come before. Nothing put him more at ease than a clear plan for whatever needed his attention. Conversely, nothing put him out of sorts like chaos and mess. It was really not surprising, after all: every part of his life had been mapped out from birth, which made perfect sense to Lorenz. He was the son of a great and noble house, and one such as he could not afford to stumble over ill thought out details. Too many people depended on him, expected the best of him, and, truly, Lorenz liked it that way. It was comforting, to always be secure in the knowledge of who he was and what was to come. Spontaneity just gave him a stomachache.

When he’d grown old enough to enroll at Garreg Mach, Lorenz’s goals had remained clear as always: finish his education, find a suitable wife, cultivate relationships with influential people, graduate with honors, and keep a close eye on the so-called Riegan heir. His father expected no less than perfection in each of these endeavours and Lorenz was ever eager to please. Besides, these kinds of tasks were hardly a challenge to one of his noble pedigree. When he’d first stepped over the worn stones of the monastery threshold, he hadn’t seen how anything could possibly go wrong.

It had gone wrong. Everything had gone terribly, cataclysmically wrong. His perfectly constructed plans had capsized, casting Lorenz adrift to rapidly drown.

All because of Claude von Riegan.

Lorenz had always expected trouble from him, but this…

Not like this. To be done in so ruthlessly, though not in any way Lorenz had expected. Not from a knife in the back, a deadly toxin slipped into his morning tea, a “stray” arrow on the battlefield, or in any of the multiple ways Lorenz had once suspected Claude might try to slyly finish him off. Instead Claude had done something so terrible, so insidiously cruel and cunning, that Lorenz never had a hope of seeing it coming.

He had made Lorenz fall in love with him.

Claude had somehow made Lorenz Hellman Gloucester: dashing young nobleman, son of one of the Ten Elites and rightful heir to the leadership of the Alliance, fall madly in love with him. A concept so utterly insane that Lorenz could still barely believe it himself.

He still had no idea how it could have happened. It was so wrong, so utterly, ridiculously _wrong!_ Lorenz was supposed to hate Claude, _had_ hated him in fact, for a good while until the insanity had set in. When they’d first met, he could barely stand to be in the same room as the most-likely-not heir of Riegan. Everything about Claude had been offensive to Lorenz back then; from his abysmal lack of etiquette, to his painfully outlandish clothes. Even breathing the same air as Claude set his teeth on edge, and he’d dearly hoped Claude would soon disappear back wherever he came from.

His feelings had stayed consistent until after they’d both arrived at Garreg Mach and suddenly Lorenz was forced to spend more time with Claude than he’d ever wanted to. He’d only encountered Claude briefly at various official functions before their stay at the monastery, but now they’d been inescapably thrust together. Going on missions, studying and eating together, working on projects for Professor Hanneman, sparring, doing chores and simply seeing Claude every day in the Golden Deer homeroom. Lorenz couldn’t escape him if he tried.

At one point, he’d even given serious consideration to joining another house. Anything for a break from Claude’s ubiquitous presence. Though Lorenz had decided against a transfer in the end, not wanting to show weakness to his fellow students. For, of course, the other Deer looked up to him as a leader. Particularly their lower born members, who Lorenz was sure must see him as a kind of benevolent guiding hand, needed him. He couldn’t abandon them to Claude’s lackadaisical antics. No, Claude wouldn’t chase him out, no matter how much his presence gave Lorenz a migraine.

As time went on, Lorenz had expected his loathing would only continue to grow stronger. He foresaw graduating from the officer’s academy and hating Claude with an even greater devotion than when they’d enrolled. It was what his father expected. One of the paths neatly laid out for him: simple, logical, safe.

Lorenz now knew with grim certainty that this would never happen.

Claude had always had a way of tearing down the simple, logical and safe and scattering their remains to the four winds.

Maybe he should have joined the Black Eagles after all, reputation be damned. That had been his fatal error, Lorenz saw too late. If only he hadn’t dithered and just asked Professor Manuela for a transfer. It would have been a shameful neglect of his duty, but even that was better than...than _this._ Then, their constant proximity wouldn’t have forced him to get to know Claude and everything would have been fine. Lorenz had initially believed Claude to be nothing but a lazy scoundrel; a self-centered opportunist, only out for what he could get and uncaring of who he hurt along the way. He’d had visions of Claude running the Alliance into the ground with his selfish whims. Nightmares of Leceister’s people - Lorenz’s people - suffering and of being unable to help them. 

Lorenz didn’t believe that anymore. 

Claude wasn’t perfect by any means, and yet Lorenz knew he would make a wonderful leader someday. Better, perhaps, than Lorenz himself. Not that Lorenz would ever say it aloud. He did have _some_ dignity left.

Beneath the flippant mask he wore, Claude was caring, intelligent, fair minded and shrewd. Lorenz would never forget the day he’d tried to lecture Claude on the inner-politics of the Alliance, only to have Claude immediately come back at him with an intelligent, thought out counterpoint to each of his criticisms. It had certainly been an eye opener, though it took Lorenz a long time to admit it to himself. They’d begun to talk after that. Really talk, rather than just Lorenz scolding Claude for various misdemeanors and Claude teasing Lorenz till he was too flustered to prevent his escape. No, they’d actually started having _conversations_. First about politics, finance, trade, various official Alliance business. Then about schoolwork, chores and other parts of life at Garreg Mach. Then about anything at all. It didn’t take long for them to branch out. Everything from religion (Claude gravitated towards agnosticism), to opera (Claude wasn’t a fan, though he did appreciate some of the music) to wyvern racing (a pastime Claude enjoyed, though the treatment of the wyverns concerned him). Lorenz was surprised just how interesting Claude was to talk to, his sharp mind buzzing with opinions and speculations. Even though they often disagreed, Lorenz always came away from their debates-turned-chats feeling refreshed and invigorated.

Claude had even started to make him laugh, something Lorenz once thought an impossibility.

They’d begun taking tea together. _Tea_ , for Goddess’ sake! Once a week at least! A box of Claude’s favorite blend (Almyran Pine) now had a permanent place in Lorenz’s private tea chest.

Sothis help him, he’d even taken to visiting the market for Claude’s favorite sweets before their tea times like some starry eyed, _love struck_ maiden-!

Ridiculous! Utterly ridiculous!

Lorenz didn’t think he could stop now if he tried.

All their time spent together, first from necessity then by choice, had planted the seed. Then, fed and watered by steady, pleasant interactions with Claude, it had bloomed into something terrifying that Lorenz was desperate to uproot, but didn’t know _how._

First Lorenz had tolerated Claude, then slowly started to like him, then come to truly care for him as a friend and equal. If the growth of their relationship had stopped there, everything would be fine and Lorenz would have been content. But it hadn’t, the blooms in his soul still yet to fully open.

Lorenz wasn't exactly sure when his completely appropriate feelings of camaraderie had morphed into something sinister. It had happened so gradually that he didn’t notice at all till it was too late. He did, however, remember the moment he realized the predicament he was in.

It happened, of all places, in the Cathedral during choir practice. There had been a slight delay starting the session and Lorenz’s mind had wandered as he stood in his usual place beside Ferdinand. Quite out of nowhere, he’d thought of Claude and found himself smiling stupidly at a joke Claude had told him the day before.

Or not so much the joke itself, but the way Claude’s arm had been slung round his shoulder as he’d told it. The laughter in his voice, the warmth in his smile, a _real_ smile for once (Lorenz had learned to tell the difference long ago). His smile was so lovely.

Not to mention the fact that Claude would let down his guard and smile like that in his presence, had made things happen in Lorenz’s chest. His heart skipping and fluttering like the flowers in his soul were suddenly full of butterflies.

Then Ferdinand had nudged him (the choir master had finally signaled to begin and Lorenz had missed their cue) and he’d fallen awkwardly back to Earth, confused and ruffled. That’s when it hit him.

These feelings...they weren’t normal and they weren’t new. He’d been thinking about Claude an awful lot lately. Too much to be appropriate. Thinking of him in a way that was suddenly far less platonic than Lorenz was comfortable with.

He liked it when Claude was near him. Liked it when Claude touched him. 

Lorenz wanted to touch him back, and not just with a hand on his shoulder or a pat on the back.

He wanted to...he wanted to _hold_ Claude the way he’d always imagined holding a bride.

He wanted Claude to hold him back, and smile at Lorenz while he did.

He wanted to ki-

 _Oh no!_ No, no, what was he _thinking?!_

Ferdinand was his dearest friend, but he’d never made Lorenz feel the way Claude did. No one had. Hot and dizzy and nervous and so confused, but also so, so happy it hurt and he just wanted to smile till his face ached. What he felt for Claude wasn’t the sweet, brotherly affection he held for Ferdinand. It was wilder, more primal and all consuming, a fire lit inside now burning out of control.

He loved Claude. He was _in_ love with Claude.

After falling into a blind panic (and giving probably the worst chorale performance of his life) Lorenz had made his excuses and fled to his room, diving headfirst into the sweet embrace of denial. He remembered thinking how he must be sick or having some kind of breakdown, or else cursed by a wicked spell. That he’d just been pushing himself too hard and this madness would disappear after some rest. There was no way he could be in love with Claude. He wasn’t even a woman, for Goddess’ sake!

A young Lorenz had learned of the existence of same sex couples after overhearing a maid mention her brother’s male fiance. When his curiosity had grown enough that he risked asking his parents, Count Gloucester had told Lorenz in no uncertain terms what he thought of those kinds of unions. That homosexuality was nothing but shameless self-indulgence, _especially_ amongst the nobility. Any relationship which couldn’t produce legitimate heirs was a worthless one. Marriage was a partnership, a contract between husband and wife with the ultimate goal of procreation. Aristocrats who rejected suitable spouses, and in doing so failed to assure the continuation of their line, were malcontents who deserved nothing but contempt. Commoners could live by lower standards, but nobles had a duty.

Lorenz had kept utterly silent throughout the lecture, too terrified by his father’s cold fury to move. 

“ _Your_ duty, Lorenz. Do not speak of this again.”

“Yes, Father.”

So that’s how it went. noble men married suitable women and noble women married suitable men. They had children and raised them to do the same, end of story. It was what Lorenz had always expected for himself. He’d never even entertained thoughts of deviation.

Except now, Lorenz, a man, was in love with another man, and he had absolutely no idea what to do about it. He knew, oh he knew miserably well, that nothing could come from sharing his feelings except pain for both of them. Claude would naturally have to reject him, not that Lorenz would ever dream of telling him. So what to do? How did one dispose of unwanted feelings and return to normal?

Lorenz had worried he may fall for someone unsuitable some day, but he’d always pictured a peasant woman. He’d also thought if it did happen then he’d be strong enough to set aside his feelings like a noble should.

Now he wasn’t so sure. He never would have imagined it could hurt this much.

It really didn’t help how much more of Claude he seemed to be seeing lately.

He saw Claude around the monastery most days, of course he did, that was normal. What wasn’t was Claude just seeming to pop up everywhere all of a sudden. Lorenz went to the library, Claude had saved him a seat at his preferred desk under the window. He skipped lunch to get some extra studying done, Claude knocked on his door with a tray. He went to the stable to do his chores and, instead of Leonie, Claude was there to do half. It was like Claude had become an extra shadow for him.

Why was this happening? Back when Lorenz hated Claude, he’d probably have accused him of stalking him for some nefarious scheme. Now he was just baffled. _Did_ Claude want something from him? If so, Lorenz wished he would simply ask rather than tailing him like the monastery cats after the fish keeper.

Not that Lorenz minded being close to Claude, quite the opposite. Which was precisely the problem. He enjoyed Claude’s company far too much and was terrified Claude would somehow pick up on it. That Claude would notice the way Lorenz’s cheeks became dusted light pink when he sat down beside him. Or how Lorenz stumbled over a word when Claude handed him a water bucket and their hands brushed. Or somehow he’d hear Lorenz’s heart thud in his chest when Claude smiled his soft, slightly mischievous smile just for him.

Claude was far too perceptive and so Lorenz was forever on edge. Claude couldn’t find out, not ever! Lorenz would take his unworthy infatuation to the grave, no matter how much it wore him down.

His only reprieve was in battle, when everyone was too distracted to think about anything except combat. Lorenz still found fighting distasteful, but now he went to each weekly skirmish eagerly and even volunteered for extra missions with the Lions and Eagles. Anything to get away from Claude and his unwittingly torturous presence.

He’d actually presented Lorenz with a bouquet of roses two weeks ago. A week before that, they’d been taking tea as usual and Lorenz happened to mention how much he missed the Gloucester rose gardens. How magnificent they were in full bloom, truly the crowning glory of his family’s estate. Claude had listened with polite interest, but hadn’t given any indication he was planning anything. Then, the following week, he’d come to tea bearing an armful of enormous, crimson red roses. Gloucester pedigrees. Lorenz would recognize them anywhere.

Once Lorenz got over his surprise and moved on to jubilation, Claude had explained how he’d acquired the gift. How he’d purchased a handful of seeds at an eye-watering price from Anna. Then how he’d taken them to Professor Byleth, and he and the greenhouse keeper had helped him with their care. Then finally, voila: two dozen of Lorenz’s most beloved flowers, a wonderful reminder of home. Just for him.

It was the kindest thing anyone had ever done for Lorenz.

He’d gaped like a beached fish and turned as red as the roses when Claude presented him with the bouquet.

“My goodness, Claude! These are...these are wonderful! Truly magnificent! I simply do not know what to say!”

“Heh, say you’ll take them. That’s always a good start.”

“Of course!” Lorenz suddenly hesitated. “But I have nothing for you…”

“We-ell,” Claude had smiled mysteriously, watching Lorenz over the top of the flowers. “Maybe not now, but next Garland Moon you could get me some roses in return. White ones. I’d like white ones...”

Lorenz blinked. He wasn’t expecting that.

“I...yes, of course, if that is what you wish! But it’s a long time till then. Are you certain there’s nothing else you’d like in the meantime?”

Claude stretched and shook his head, that inscrutable smile never leaving his face.

“Nah. Some things are just worth the wait.”

A fortnight later and Claude’s request was still puzzling Lorenz in his spare moments. Such a strange thing to ask for. Garlands of white roses were traditionally exchanged between _lovers,_ not _friends._

Ah, but then, Claude had never cared much for tradition had he?

And Lorenz couldn’t say a crown of white roses would not look lovely on top of Claude’s dark curls. He could just picture the beautiful contrast.

Or, perhaps not a crown, perhaps Lorenz could actually weave them into his hair-

No. That would never happen.

He was a wretched fool to even think of it.

Claude really was going to kill him at this rate. People died of broken hearts all the time in the more melodramatic Mittelfrank operas. Before now, before _Claude_ , Lorenz had always thought this very silly. One did not simply drop dead from an excess of feeling. Now, he wasn’t so sure.

He didn’t seem sure about anything these days.

At least he could still count on his responsibilities to distract him. The Golden Deers’ mission that month was to rout a gang of low level bandits who had been plaguing merchants en route to Garreg Mach. First hand accounts painted them as a disorganized, amateurish group of louts. Easy prey for the trained soldiers of the Officers’ Academy. The Deer were all fairly certain this would be an easy job.

So, when Edelgard had approached Claude and asked if she could borrow Lysithea to aid with the Black Eagles’ own mission, he had agreed. The Eagles were tracking another group of bandits, but their quarry had a far more fearsome reputation. So, Claude let Lysithea go in the hope Edelgard could put her considerable talents to better use. 

It was the right choice, in Lorenz’s opinion. Better to set an asset like Lysithea on the more urgent task.

He’d approached her before both groups set off and offered the use of Thyrsus. For some reason the relic had always responded well to Lysithea, almost as well as it did to Lorenz himself. He couldn’t explain why, but if it helped then why look a gift horse in the mouth?

“Lorenz…are you sure?” Lysithea had breathed, holding the staff like it was made of glass and gazing down at it, wide eyed. She’d wielded Thyrsus before, but never without Lorenz present. “You really want me to just take it?”

“Indeed,” Lorenz replied. “It’s only one mission, and I believe it will serve you better than I at this particular juncture.”

“But-“

“Lysithea,” he smiled and held up a hand. “It is fine. I trust you.”

She paused, taking in his words, and finally nodded.

“All right.”

Then, she’d actually slowly met his smile with her own. Sacrificing Thyrsus for a single mission was definitely worth it to behold such a rare sight.

That’s what Lorenz had thought until they actually found the bandits. As predicted, the ruffians themselves weren’t an issue. The Deer had dealt with far worse than the likes of them. However, the demonic beasts attracted to the battle by the scent of spilled blood were a different matter altogether. The remaining bandits had dropped their weapons and fled in terror as six of the monsters charged onto the scene. Lorenz privately wished the Deer could follow their example, and he was reasonably sure the rest of his classmates felt the same.

Unfortunately for them, retreat was not an option. Demonic beasts had to be dealt with lest they run wild and attack innocent commoners.

So the Deer braced themselves and the real battle began.

They quickly realized the fight was not one in their favor. Every demonic beast was slightly different, with powers and weaknesses varying between individuals. These particular specimens were defense based and had scales like tempered steel. Physical attacks didn’t seem to faze them at all, the monsters swatting away lances and arrows like they were nothing. Even Hilda and Raphael’s mighty axe blows barely made a dent. 

Lance useless, Lorenz had tried a spell instead. His _Ragnarok_ found its mark and they all heard the beast’s ear-splitting screech as it staggered back, writhing in pain. The air was suddenly thick with the stink of burning flesh and Lorenz watched, fascinated and disgusted, as several of the monster’s scales sloughed off. Magic. They were weak to magic.

Lorenz looked up and scanned the sky till he found a familiar wyvern. Claude met his gaze, nodded and gave a one handed signal. Lorenz immediately understood: the rest of the Deer would distract the beasts while Lorenz picked them off one by one with his spells. It was the best kind of plan; simple, straightforward and with him as its key player. Lorenz definitely approved.

“Guys, fall back!” Claude called over the beast’s roars as Lorenz hit it with another blast of fire. “Support Lorenz! Keep them busy while he attacks with magic! Don’t let them overwhelm him!”

Then he soared away to rain down arrows on another of the creatures. No more than an annoyance to their enemies, but it did the job and lured one of the beasts away. Their classmates sprang into action and soon the other monsters were scattered, leaving Lorenz to work on his current foe. He cracked its remaining shields and finished it with a few blasts of _Fire_ , Belladonna dancing away as the wounded creature lurched at them in its death throes. It bellowed in agony one last time and then crumpled on the ground, dead.

There was no time to celebrate. Lorenz pulled on Belladonna’s reins and urged the black mare into a fast gallop towards their next target. There was no need to fear. They had a plan, he could do this.

Two more demonic beasts felled, and Lorenz was no longer so confident. Even exploiting their weakness, the creatures didn’t go down easy with each requiring multiple hits to finish the job. A growing, gnawing ache deep in his chest told Lorenz he was drawing on too much of his magic. Even the crested didn’t have an infinite supply of mana and he was becoming exhausted. He’d have given anything to have Lysithea with them like usual since her absence meant that not only could she not back Lorenz up, but that Marianne couldn’t either. Marianne was their only available healer and was rushed off her feet tending to the others. She barely had time to cast _Heal_ on Ignatz’s gashed leg before she was scrambling to _Physic_ Raphael after a beast tossed him. No way she could help Lorenz on the offensive, and, unfortunately, he had always struggled with Faith magic. So switching jobs was out of the question.

There was no helping it, this battle was up to him.

Lorenz grit his teeth and dug deep, flashing his crest to force his magic to respond. He sat up straighter in the saddle, feeling his gauntlets shimmer with heat.

He was a scion of the Ten Elites, one of Fodlan’s guardians sent by the Goddess herself. These twisted creatures would not get the best of _him!_

Some time later (thirty minutes? Forty? He was losing track) Lorenz had killed four of the beasts and was facing down the last but one. He’d wounded the thing, but not enough to kill it yet.

It hissed and lashed out at him and Lorenz directed Belladonna to dodge. His loyal horse was just as tired as he was; panting harshly and dark coat soaked with sweat. Dear Sothis, it couldn’t go on much longer, could it? He hoped the rest of the Deer were coping. Perhaps they’d manage to brute force a win over the last beast and the battle would be done.

Another swipe. Lorenz dodged again and tried to hit it with another spell, but his hand shook and dropped before the magic flames could catch.

Lorenz slumped dizzily in the saddle, breathing heavily. His chest was on fire and the sweat dripping from his soaked bangs kept blinding him. A moment, he just needed one moment to catch his breath. 

Combat could never be that kind.

Roaring with pain and frustration, the _Ragnarok_ blackened monster reared up on its hind legs and swept at him with claws the size of sickles. Lorenz dragged Belladonna’s reins so she’d leap to safety, and unleashed another blast of flames into the thing’s snarling face. But this time he’d pushed too far and the spell spluttered and fizzled out before it could land, burning through the last vestiges of Lorenz’s mana. He gasped, reeling, trying to blink away the spots in front of his eyes. Too much, he was spent. He swayed in the saddle and instinctively gripped Belladonna tight with his thighs so he wouldn’t fall.

He was distracted for a second or two at most, but that was all it took.

The beast roared and lashed out again and, this time, its aim was true. Lorenz jerked the reins, but it was too late and he let out a silent gasp of shock and pain as the monster’s talons slammed into his chestplate and hurled him bodily to the ground with a sickening crash of armor. Lorenz rolled to a stop and lay there, flat on his back, unable to breathe or see or tell up from down. He was dimly aware of Belladonna’s shriek and that she had bolted, and of a scream from somewhere above.

“ _LORENZ!_ ”

Lorenz heard a snarl and felt a hot blast of acrid breath on his face. He forced his eyes open and blinked till the three demonic beasts turned back into one. It was terribly close, almost on top of him. Its mouth fell open and Lorenz realized it meant to bite his head clean off. Still punch drunk from the blow and the fall, he could only gape stupidly at the monster as it prepared to lunge with a bloodthirsty hiss –

Only to rear up, screeching horribly, an arrow protruding from its eye. Lorenz watched the beast stagger back, overbalance, and tumble down a shallow hill. It rolled to the bottom, tearing at its face in agony. Then a wyvern’s clawed feet thudded down in front of Lorenz and obscured his view of the thing. There was another frantic call of his name as the wyvern’s rider leapt down and rushed over.

Claude. Claude had hit the monster dead in the eye from all the way up on wyvern back. An incredible shot, and Lorenz would have to congratulate him when he could speak again.

“Lorenz-!” Claude gasped as he fell to his knees and hovered over him, green eyes wide with panic.

Lorenz frowned, confused. He’d been thrown from his horse before. Why was Claude acting so - ?

Then he looked down.

Oh.

_Oh._

Oh, _Goddess._

The blow from the beast hadn’t just knocked Lorenz to the ground like he’d first assumed. No, rather its claws had torn open the black steel of his breastplate like a hot knife through butter and, unfortunately, the damage didn’t stop there. Lorenz’s lower left side was a gouged out mess of ripped skin, crumbling bone and torn muscle. He even thought he could see a glisten of something deeper, some vital organ now exposed to the air. The beast had cut Lorenz down to his guts. There was a Sothis damned _hole_ in his side and it was gushing gouts of blood onto the grass like some macabre fountain.

The wound was so bad he hadn’t felt it, body unable to comprehend what had happened and instead tumbling straight into shock. Vulnerary wouldn’t fix this. Not that he had any left anyway.

Oh, _Goddess._

Oh Goddess, he was going to die, wasn’t he?

“ _Lorenz!_ Oh Gods-!” Claude was cradling him against his chest, hugging Lorenz while being careful to avoid touching his injury. When had that happened?

Lorenz’s head lolled back, vision swimming, and he felt Claude slap his face. For some insane reason, he felt a sudden dull pang of remorse about the blood staining Claude’s clothes. The archer’s uniform suited Claude and Lorenz was probably ruining it by bleeding all over him. He should apologize, he should…

He realized he’d been drifting when Claude slapped him again.

“ _Lorenz Hellman Gloucester!_ You stay with me!” 

The barked order, so unusual from Claude, jolted Lorenz back. It was so tempting to just let go and slip away, but he knew what it would mean if he did. If Lorenz’s eyes closed here, they’d probably never open again.

“ _C-Cl–_ ” he tried, only to break off into a fit of coughing, mouth wet with copper.

Claude steadied him and rubbed his back, alternating between holding Lorenz close and whipping his head round to scream for help.

“It’s okay, I’ve got you – _MARIANNE!_ – shh, it’s okay. J-just try to hang in there – _MARIANNE, WHERE ARE YOU?!_ Everything will be fine...”

“Claude…” Blood dribbled down his chin and pooled in his gorget. “C-Claude, I’m sor-“

“ _No!_ ”

Claude’s grip tightened to the extent it would probably hurt if Lorenz could still feel anything. His green eyes flashed furiously, but Lorenz could feel him trembling.

“Shut up! Just shut up! No apologies! No goodbyes, you hear me?! We’ll get you to Manuela. You’ll – _MARIANNE FOR THE LOVE OF SOTHIS!_ – you’ll be fine! Just, hold on! _Please,_ Lorenz...”

Lorenz tilted his head back and looked up at the sky. So blue. He knew Claude was lying. The wound was too deep and the beast’s claws were probably tipped with poison anyway. He was done for and it was happening so fast that he didn’t even feel particularly upset. At least he would die in the arms of someone he loved. That was more than Lorenz had ever hoped for.

Someone he loved…

Lorenz reached up and grabbed Claude’s arm with every last bit of strength that hadn’t bled out of him already. Trembling with the effort to hold on, he met Claude’s eyes. They were sparkling even brighter than normal, the green spilling over with glistening tears. He’d never seen Claude cry before. Lorenz wondered if he would cry again after he was gone, at his funeral maybe. It was selfish, but Lorenz really hoped he would. He couldn’t bear the thought of Claude being indifferent to his death. Imagining it made Lorenz finally want to weep himself.

_Tell him._

Lorenz shuddered and his heart painfully missed a beat. He had to tell Claude now, before it was too late. There was nothing to stop him anymore. What could matter when one was about to die? Nothing, except making sure he died with as few regrets as possible.

Some hysterical part of Lorenz felt like laughing. Why worry about anything now? Who knew that in dying, he’d suddenly experience a greater freedom than he ever had in his life. He could do what he pleased. It didn’t matter who he disappointed now.

But this was no time for philosophy.

Lorenz could feel himself weakening by the minute. Getting colder, sleepier, further away. His vision had turned dark around the edges and Claude’s voice was odd and distorted, like Lorenz was listening from underwater.

He was out of time. It was now or never.

_Do it, Gloucester! Die the brave man you always claimed to be!_

“ _Cuh-Claude…_ Claude, listen...”

Lorenz ignored Claude when he tried to hush him again. He kept his grip on the other man’s arm with strength from Goddess knew where.

He spat out a mouthful of blood and took a deep breath.

_Do it!_

_Say it!_

_Tell him!_

“Claude, I…I l-love you…” Lorenz gasped, fighting down another coughing fit, pink saliva spotting his lips.

This was not how he’d imagined confessing his feelings. He’d pictured flowers, music, poetry, a romantic dinner...Not lying in a muddy field splattered by his own gore. But there was no time to be poetic, not when every word was a huge effort.

“I am...in love. With you. S-s-so much...Sorry I never…’m a coward, b-but I do love you, Claude. I...L-love you so...much…”

He could barely draw breath, slowly drowning as his lungs filled with blood. Lorenz gasped as his chest rattled and more red ran down his chin, pooling in his armor.

“If I c-could have chosen...w-would’ve chosen you. I love you, Claude...more than...anything…”

The last part was less than a whisper, but it was said and Lorenz had done it. He’d told Claude how he felt and, in spite of everything, his heart was lighter than it had ever been. No regrets to weigh him down, wherever he was going now. Just peace.

A tear may have run down his cheek. He would miss Claude. Miss all the friends he’d made at Garreg Mach, but none more than him.

Lorenz couldn’t see Claude anymore, everything had become so dark. So he let his eyes slip shut at last and sank boneless down into the chill of the rapidly cooling blood pool.

Fading, Lorenz could just hear Claude’s screams and sobs at the edge of his consciousness. Was he still holding him? Lorenz thought so, but he was still so cold. 

“Lorenz, no! _LORENZ!_ ”

_I love you. I take back what I thought before. I’m so sorry to have made you cry._

_I love you._

The _Physic_ that smashed into him felt like a freak wave, its sheer power sending Lorenz reeling as he was dragged back from the brink. Eyes and mouth snapping open, he got a brief flash of Claude’s tearstained face before the spell brutally set to work and Lorenz was too distracted silently screaming all the breath from his body. Healing so rapidly from a fatal wound was absolute agony. Bones snapping back into place, blood boiling and frothing, muscle and sinew reforming and skin stretching and knitting back together, all happening far too fast. It felt like someone was flaying him from the inside out and he would have writhed like a fish on a hook if he’d had any strength.

After a few eternal, agonizing seconds, it was all over and Lorenz was remade. He lay there in Claude’s arms, shaking like a leaf and with his mouth still hanging open. Claude was no better. The two of them gawped dumbly at each other, then both jumped like scalded cats at the sound of Marianne’s soft, remorse filled voice.

“I’m so sorry I took so long! I – I was at the other side of the battlefield. Oh, Lorenz, I’m so sorry!”

Lorenz managed to turn his head towards her. Marianne was standing a few feet away with a blood splattered Hilda at her side. In the distance, he could see Leonie cantering up on her horse with Ignatz as a passenger. Raphael also jogging up towards them, the head of his axe still dripping with gore. Lorenz saw the corpses of the last two beasts behind them, Claude’s arrow still lodged in the eye of the one that had wounded him.

“We won!” Hilda punched the air, beaming and gently slipping a hand into Marianne’s to stop her wringing them raw. “And you did _amazing_ , Marianne! You saved him!”

“Yes, but –“

“ _Absolutely no buts!_ You’re an angel and you protected everyone! Hey Lorenz, you’re okay now, right? You’re not hurt anymore?”

Lorenz wasn’t listening. He slowly turned his head to look up at Claude, still holding Lorenz against his chest. Claude’s face was wet with tears, but his expression had turned unreadable. What could he be thinking now Lorenz had…

Now Lorenz had told Claude he loved him.

Now that Lorenz had...told...oh no.

_Oh no._

“ _Oh...oh dear.._ ” Lorenz gasped faintly. Then his eyes rolled up in his head and he collapsed in Claude’s arms in a dead faint.

***

Lorenz drifted in darkness and lost all sense of time. He had a vague memory – or perhaps it was a dream? – of being carried on a stretcher through the halls of Garreg Mach. He’d caught a blurred glimpse of familiar stone ceilings rushing above him and felt someone squeeze his hand. He might have heard his name and more words that should have made sense but didn’t, but then his eyes closed on their own accord and he was gone again.

The next time he woke it was to the soothing warmth of _Heal_ flowing through him. Lorenz sighed, shuddered and opened his eyes a sliver, blinking at the bright light of the infirmary. He was lying in bed in one of the private rooms.

Professor Manuela’s fuzzy image swam into view and he saw she was smiling.

“Ah, there you are. Welcome back, young Gloucester.”

Lorenz opened his mouth, but all that came out was a dry croak. He’s very grateful when Manuela stepped away briefly and returned holding a glass of water.

She helped Lorenz sit up enough to take a few sips. Then, when his throat no longer felt like the Great Almyran Desert, Manuela carefully lowered him back down. She brushed back his hair and laid a soft hand on his forehead.

“How are you feeling? Any pain?”

Lorenz considered, then shook his head. He felt like his brain was stuffed full of cotton. Everything was a blur. Why was he in the infirmary?

He was still sleepy and badly wanted to doze off with the hope things would start making sense when he woke up. But instead, Manuela made him sit up again and drink a tincture Lorenz recognised as a blood replenishing potion. Its bitter taste woke him up and, after more water, his head felt clear enough to ask his most begging question:

“What happened…?”

“The Deer were on a mission,” Manuela explained as she fussed round him, checking his pulse and peering into his eyes. “Routing bandits. Should have been simple, but a pack of demonic beasts showed up. You went down when one of them clipped you. It was a bad wound, you gave everyone quite a scare. Fortunately, Miss Marianne got to you just in time.”

Bandits? Demonic beasts -?

Memories suddenly crashed through Lorenz’s brain like an avalanche. He sat bolt upright in bed with a strangled noise, eyes wide with horror. Only to yelp and fall back down again, clutching his (bandaged, he noticed) side, with a wheeze of pain.

“ _Careful!_ ” Manuela yelled, grabbing his shoulders to keep him still. “For Sothis’s sake, Lorenz! Don’t start throwing yourself around like that! Your wound is still –“

But Lorenz didn’t hear her. There was only one thought in his head now and it wasn’t popping his stitches.

He’d told him.

He, Lorenz Hellman Gloucester, had lain in Claude von Riegan’s arms and poured his heart out. Confessed to his former-enemy-turned-rival-turned-friend, that he was madly in love with him.

Lorenz slowly slid down the bed, deaf to Manuela’s scolding.

Oh sweet merciful Goddess, _what had he done?_

“Lorenz?” Manuela frowned with concern. “Are you al-“

There was a sudden loud rapping at the door that made them both give a start. Manuela rolled her eyes and swept over to answer with an irritated huff. Lorenz was far too busy sinking slowly into hell to care.

Until she opened the door and he heard the voice of the one person he couldn’t face ever again.

“Please Professor, can I see him? Just for a moment?”

“I already told you, Claude, he needs-“

“Rest, yeah I know. But now he’s awake, so can I talk to him just for a second? Please, it’s important.”

“Well…”

Lorenz jerked upright so fast he really did almost tear his stitches.

“ _Don’t let him in!_ ” He shrieked, voice a humiliating pitch. His eyes bulged and heart hammered with panic, jerking the blankets up to cover his bare chest.

Too late. Manuela had already stepped aside and Claude was in the room. Lorenz made another high-pitched sound, like a mouse being stepped on. He imagined his face was probably the color of his bedsheets.

Manuela rolled her eyes and muttered something about “dizzy kids” and “not being paid enough for this”, heels clacking as she walked out and shut the door behind her. A distinctive “clink” came through the wood, most likely from a wine bottle being emptied into a glass.

Lorenz was left alone with Claude.

He leaned forward and pressed his face into his hands.

A noble should be bold and confront his fears head on, but Lorenz couldn’t look at Claude. He just couldn’t. Not when he was sure what he’d see in his face.

After a moment, he heard Claude’s footsteps cross the room and felt the bed sag as he sat down beside him.

“Lorenz?”

Lorenz flinched and held back a shiver at the soft tone. No, no, please. Not like this. Let Claude laugh at Lorenz’s impromptu confession, mock and jeer and make fun of his feelings. Scorn Lorenz thought he could take. But not pity. Please Goddess, not that, anything but that. Pity would rip him to his core worse than the beast had.

“Lorenz, please look at me.”

He couldn’t.

He _couldn’t._

“...”

Lorenz felt hands encircle his wrists, gently tugging his arms down. He kept his gaze glued to his sheets. Maybe if he stayed unresponsive, Claude would eventually give up and leave.

No, of course that could never happen. Lorenz winced as he felt a calloused palm under his chin, Claude gently tilting up his face so their eyes met. Claude’s expression was as inscrutable as ever, his green eyes smooth and opaque as polished jade. Lorenz’s stomach clenched painfully and he wanted to scream. Awful, infuriating man! Why couldn’t he just show what he was feeling for once in his life and get this over with?! Lorenz knew he was about to be gently let down, his heart ground to dust in the process. Did Claude have to prolong his misery? 

Oh sweet Sothis, Lorenz’s eyes were burning and there was a lump in his throat. This was a disaster! He couldn’t cry in front of Claude on top of everything else!

Lorenz swiftly turned away, swallowed hard and cleared his throat.

If Claude wouldn’t do what had to be done, then it was up to him.

“I assume you are here because of what passed between us on the battlefield.”

A short pause. Claude’s voice sounded carefully neutral when he spoke.

“Well, that and wanting to see how you were.”

Lorenz swallowed again and continued as if Claude hadn’t said anything.

“Please, allow me to offer my sincerest apologies for my inappropriate behaviour. I assure you, if I hadn’t been injured so severely-“

“Did you mean it?” Claude interrupted.

Lorenz shut up like a box. He bowed his head and clenched his fists until his nails bit deep enough to cut into his palms. His already heated face burned and he breathed hard, trying to get his racing heart under control. 

“I…”

 _Lie!_ Some unworthy part of him shrieked. _Lie! Tell him you were delirious! Tell him it was all a mistake!_

“I...yes,” his voice barely a whisper. This was it, the point of no return. “I did. I meant it.”

“You love me...you’re _in_ love with me?”

Lorenz shut his eyes.

“Yes, I am.”

Silence. 

“I know you do not feel the same way,” Lorenz whispered, gripping handfuls of blanket till his knuckles turned white. “You do not have to say it, I understand.”

“Lorenz-“

“Believe me, Claude, it is fine. I’ll be fine. You don’t have to worry.”

“Lorenz-“

“No, no, please. The fault is mine alone. You never asked for...for me to feel this way. I know it’s wrong.”

“ _Lorenz-_ ”

“I hope we can still be friends-“

“ _Lorenz!_ ” Claude yelled. “For the love of Sothis’ holy, swinging _tits!_ Will you _please_ just shut up and let me talk?!”

Lorenz’s mouth snapped shut like a tooth trap. He stared at Claude, violet eyes wide with misery.

Claude blew out a sigh and shook his head, regaining his composure.

Then he grinned with what could only be called fond exasperation.

“You know, Lorenz, for someone who claims to be a born romantic, you really are shitty at noticing when someone’s trying to court you.”

Then he leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to Lorenz’s lips.

Lorenz’s heart stopped and his mind went utterly blank. His jaw dropped and he just hung there uselessly against Claude. Against Claude’s _lips._

Because Claude was...Claude had…

_Kissed him._

It was Lorenz’s first.

Claude broke the kiss after a few seconds, but stayed leaned in close enough to Lorenz that their noses brushed. He grinned at the thunderstruck look on Lorenz’s face, and reached up to gently stroke a thumb over his cheek.

“Never thought I’d have to spell it out for you, you dope. I love you too, I have for ages.”

“Wh-wh...I...how-?” Lorenz spluttered hopelessly, face tomato red.

Claude shrugged amiably.

“Dunno. It just happened, I guess? Just realized one day how much I’d like to kiss you. So I tried flirting,” he chuckled and shook his head. “Thought I was being obvious. Guess not?”

Lorenz put a hand to his head, Claude’s still gently stroking his burning cheek.

“When did-“ Lorenz cleared his throat when his voice came out an octave too high. “When did you ever flirt with me?”

“Well, that time I asked you on a date on St. Cichol’s day-“

“That was a _date?!_ ”

“Yeah, you really didn’t know?” Claude giggled at Lorenz’s stunned look. “Sorry, but it’s pretty funny. You seriously didn’t get it?”

“No!” Lorenz exclaimed. “I-I never…! I thought...well, I assumed you were just being friendly!”

“Oh, Lorenz,” Claude grinned. “I truly don’t get how someone so smart can be so _dense._ If I’d known it would take kissing you for you to understand, I’d have done it months ago!”

Lorenz flushed all over again, feeling like the world’s biggest fool. Looking back...the flowers, the gifts, the invitations to spend time together on dates with romantic connotations-

The request for a garland.

“Oh,” he slapped a hand to his forehead. “Oh, Goddess forgive me, I am an _idiot!_ ”

Claude laughed and reached out with his free hand, tangling their fingers together.

“Maybe just a little. But then, I’m the one who fell for you, so what does that make me?”

“...A bigger idiot?”

“Perhaps. Or maybe just a fool in love.”

Then Claude kissed him again and, this time, Lorenz was more than happy to respond.

***

They talked for a long time after Claude’s kiss. About mutual feelings, about what this meant for the two of them. 

About the ethics of same-sex courting.

“It’s really not a big deal,” Claude lay beside him, lazily braiding Lorenz’s bangs. “I think it’s only your parents and a few other stick-in-the-muds who have a problem with men loving men and women loving women. Wasn’t Loog married to Kyphon?”

“Yes,” Lorenz allowed as Claude finished the braid and tied it off. “But he took a queen too. As a king, he needed progeny.”

Claude was quiet for a moment. Then he shrugged and stretched.

“Too bad for him, but you have siblings, yeah? And cousins?”

“Yes…”

“Right, so the Gloucester line won’t die out if you never have kids.”

“None of my brothers bear our crest.”

“So? Their kids might, and yours might not. It’s never certain.”

“My father says-“

“Do you agree with everything your father believes?” Claude interrupted.

Lorenz thought for a moment. No, he didn’t. There were many subjects he and the count disagreed on. In fact they’d been doing so more and more recently...

Claude was looking at him, green eyes warm as a Spring day.

“I do not,” Lorenz hesitated then took Claude’s hand. “I know he can be wrong, is wrong, about many things. Especially you.”

“Mm, I’m glad to hear it.”

Then their lips were too busy to keep on talking for a long while.

Manuela judged Lorenz fit to leave the infirmary two days later. Claude, who had barely left his side save for when he had to go to class or when Manuela had shooed him out so Lorenz could get some rest, went with him.

Lorenz hesitated as they stepped over the threshold together. Claude looked at him, concerned.

“What’s wrong? Does your wound hurt? Want to go back?”

“No, no, it’s fine,” Lorenz hesitated. “It’s just…”

“Just…?”

Lorenz’s face turned strawberry pink.

“Just...I would quite like to hold your hand. If that’s permissible…?”

Claude actually blushed a little in return. Lorenz’s heart leapt at the sight.

“I think I’ll allow it,” Claude offered him his hand, then tilted his head when Lorenz didn’t take it. “What’s wrong?”

Lorenz sighed.

“Forgive me, it’s not you,” he looked up and down the deserted corridor. “I’m just afraid someone might see. Not that I’m ashamed of...of us,” the blush was back. “Not at all! I’m just worried about...about my father.”

“Ah,” Claude grimaced as understanding dawned. “Right, gotcha. You’re worried word will get back to him and he’ll disown you?”

“No!” Lorenz exclaimed, scandalized. “Well, yes, but that’s not my main concern. I’m worried he might try to hurt you, Claude. I could not...bear that.”

Claude’s gaze flicked left and right to check they were still alone, then he faced Lorenz and took both his hands. Lorenz held on tight. His chest ached as Claude rubbed soothing circles into his palms with his thumbs.

“If that’s why you’re worrying, then don’t. I’ll be just fine” Claude smiled and winked. “I’ve dealt with a lot worse than your father, Lorenz. Trust me.”

Lorenz did, Sothis help him, he really did. Though he still couldn’t help but worry. Claude must have seen it on his face because he rose up on his toes to press a quick kiss to Lorenz’s lips.

“Okay, look, if it’s going to bother you that much, how about we keep us a secret for now? Until graduation, anyway. Then we can go and tell him together. What do you think?”

Lorenz thought it wouldn’t matter if they waited for the heat death of the universe. His father would sooner fall on his own lance than accept his son had fallen for Claude von Riegan.

He was stunned by just how little he cared.

“Yes,” Lorenz nodded firmly. “Yes, that is a good idea. We shall tell him together. Though it will merely be a courtesy. It does not matter what Father thinks, I love you no matter what, Claude.”

“I love you too, Lorenz.”

Then they were in each other’s arms again. Though only briefly before the kiss broke and they both stepped back, breathless and alert.

“Say,” Claude put his arms behind his head and grinned. “Want to head back to your room and continue this privately?”

“We have class.”

“ _You_ don’t, not till tomorrow. And as house leader I can hardly let one of my dear Deer walk to his room unsupervised while he’s still recovering from an injury.”

Lorenz gave him a flat look which was rather ruined by the blush that seemed to have become a permanent fixture these past few days.

“You intend to skip class so we can kiss?”

“Why, Lorenz, you cut me to the quick,” Claude put a hand to his heart in mock dramatics. “My intentions are pure!”

“Pure as mud.”

“Pure as driven snow! Have faith in your new beloved, my dearest Gloucester.”

Then Claude linked their arms and turned them both in the direction of the dormitories.

“Come on, let’s get you to bed.”

Lorenz’s cheeks were going to bruise at this rate. The way Claude’s Cheshire grin grew showing he was well aware of the innuendo, dastard.

Lorenz loved him so much.

“Very well,” he said primly as they set off. “But you must leave afterwards. I will not be the reason you fail your classes, Claude.”

“Sure, sure,” Claude squeezed him. “Just one tiny, itsy-bitsy kiss when we get there?”

“Claude-“

“Just ooonnne…?”

“...Just one.”

Lorenz’s heart was so light as he walked together with Claude that he almost felt he could step onto thin air. He wasn’t sure what the future would bring or what challenges they would face. The road ahead was unknowable, uncharted. Could they keep it a secret? What would people say if they found out? What would happen when their relationship eventually became public? Lorenz didn’t have the answers to any of these questions, but it didn’t matter. So long as he could stay by Claude’s side.

In all of Fodlan and beyond, there was nowhere Lorenz would rather be.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed! I love writing about these two wonderful dopes 💛💜
> 
> Also I kinda want to write a sequel now, hmm...


End file.
